Walking away is never an easy task to execute no matter how right it is. We’re always waiting for the right time and the right place to properly carry it out. The truth is that there are no right timings and places. We have to make it the right time and the right place. As to why we are always waiting? That’s because we’re scared to step out of our comfort zones. We know that once we walk away, that’s synonymous with dropping a bomb. Everything will change within a matter of seconds and breaths. And I mean everything. We as humans seek familiarity and comfort. To walk away is actually maddening. Who would ever inflict such pain on themselves voluntarily? Knowing that their own fingers were the ones to press the red button. As to being able to properly carry it out? Well, there’s no such thing as a proper break-up/fall out with anyone close to you in your life. The magnitude of the hurt and pain is inevitable. The aftermath that follows it will be purely catastrophic. You see when we think of the “proper” way, we are subconsciously protecting our self-image and the image portrayed to others. This ultimately boils back down to our comfort zones which include our images. When we are the ones to walk away, we are risking our good images by putting ourselves in the negative stereotypical position of the antagonist. The cards will not easily be in our favour when gaining support. Why? Because naturally we started the explosion. Ironically enough, it will also be difficult to gain support from our own selves. You know that popular quote of wisdom, “you are your own worst enemy”? Yeah, that will really come into play here.
Now, bearing all these disastrous implications in mind is it still worth it to walk away? Yes. Especially when it is the best thing for you at that given time. Through it all, you’ll gain a vital life skill. Strength. It takes a tremendous amount of strength to stand up for what you believe in and walk away knowing that you’ll put everything at risk. Think of it as jumping off from a cliff and plunging straight into deep waters. Sometimes you have to break first in order to better yourself.
This is for you. Many years down the road from now, I’ll look back and I’ll admit that you were my hardest goodbye. Do you think it is any easier for me right now? Do you think I’m having the time of my life cutting you off? No. It. Is. So. Damn. Hard. Believe me when I say that the thought of fixing everything up has crossed my mind several times. To come back to you and restart. It seems like such an easy way out right? But no. That would put my efforts to waste and make all the pain fruitless. I chose to walk away because you were toxic to me in a way I could never fully explain. I’m sorry that you’re hurting so much right now. I underestimated how much of an impact I had in your life. For that I’m sorry. However, I do not regret a single word I said to you. You needed to hear them; the words that I had bottled up inside of me for so long. I was always afraid to offend you and it was all about you. A dangerous attachment to you was forming and I knew it was one that would be detrimental to me. So when I did finally gather the courage to speak up everything exploded. I must say I’m proud of myself for finally standing up. I will never be somebody I’m not. Yes my words were truly harsh, cold and brutal. I struck your weakest part. But above all, my words were honest. They were the truth. My truth. To me, that was the most sincere and genuine gift. The greatest gift I would ever give. I could have walked away without explaining anything. I could have simply disappeared. You deserved more than that. Knowing that backing everything up with reasons is one strict principle of yours. If you ask me now, I cared for you back then, I still do and I always will. Why did you think I presented my goodbye with reasons? It was for you. Now I’ve realised and accepted that I can never truly cut you off my life. My immediate life, yes. But not entirely. In a world where you are, I will always feel your essence deep within me. No matter the distance, I will always hear the flickering of your light bulb wherever you go. No matter who we’re with in future, no one can ever replace you. You were not my friend nor my lover. You played a role that only comes once in a lifetime. You were my mind twin. You always will be.